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"... it's all make believe, isn't it...."

Date: 2007-08-06 18:16
Subject: here I am
Security: Public
Location:my apartment... if only for 4 more days.
A few things.

I'm starting to panic about moving. I'm going to miss my apartment so much.

I don't know if I want to live in a sorority house, but it's OK... I'll make it.

a couple of things that happened today that have made me feel funny.


Josh: no fun...i am done living in the house, I will be in new hall this year

me: oh thats exciting! and How is everyone? how is Matt H?

Josh: i spoke to him earlier htis summer...he is doin well
everyone is doing well chris just got back from africa and i saw him sat night
he had agoodtime

me: mmm. thats good. I actually do not speak to Chris. I didn't even know he had been in Africa all that time.

Why do people think it is OK to bring him up? it is not. He is absolutely NOTHING TO ME, and I don't want to ever have him in my life again. It has taken me so much time to finally be OK with everything that happened and people being completely inconsiderate does not help at all.



I am one of the obscure authors who will be published in this book. It comes out Dec 19th 2007. my memoir is so utterly personal I'm almost afraid. I feel that the book will do quite well, seeing as it is similar to those ridiculously popular Postsecret books.

I feel funny right now.
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Date: 2007-06-28 01:42
Subject: what am I supposed to do, seriously??
Security: Public
Location:In bed with my new laptop!
Tags:boys, life
I don't mean to be melodramatic.... But honestly, I think I'm fucked.

I want to get married one day. Have a husband, house, kids.... I want to shop for baby clothes, shop for menswear. Plan dinner parties. Go to PTA meetings. Make dinners. Put little notes in my children's lunch boxes. I want the MRS. I want it.

I don't know how this is going to happen because some how I'd have to meet a guy and like him-- the love him-- the hook him-- the sink him. with a 3.5 carat stone. I generally don't worry about it, but tonight (at the fucking Pour House. sick.) I really saw it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. the man for me may not be in Raleigh. No. It's worse than that... there isn't even a Mister-right-now in any of these places.

You know what. I am going to teach myself to be fine. I am going to be independent and not even worry about this shit. Then one day I'll have Mister Right... and be shocked. I'll keep the faith, someone has to.
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Date: 2007-03-05 00:53
Subject: with one last push...
Security: Public
...I'm back. All it took was some indirect urging from Cat, who was the reason I started blogging in the first place, ironically. It has become increasingly difficult for me to find the words to express exactly where I am right now. After everything that happened last semester I would certainly consider myself a stronger person... At the same time, I think that something in me became very closed off too. I seem to be a bit out of touch with my emotions, which is uncommon for myself. There is a lot to dissect and it is difficult to do when there are so many ways to let myself be distracted. I didn't think I would be 20 years old and really starting my life now. Really, thats what it is... from the age of 16 I thought I had it all figured out. I'm resolved in the fact that the plans I had for myself are not the ones my life wanted me to have.... but it's now figuring out exactly what I am supposed to do.
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Date: 2006-07-12 14:34
Subject: if you still read this
Security: Public
you may like to know that I am leaving livejournal. ha.

new blog address---


may or may not be interesting, but I am going to assume it will be ok, as my life is currently in shambles.


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Date: 2006-03-31 18:36
Subject: thanks Kit...
Security: Public
Mood:my big mouth = troublemy big mouth = trouble
Music:Blair cleaning kitchen
Tags:survey says
Your Birthdate: June 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.
You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.
Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.
You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm

Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics

Your power color: Indigo

Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your power month: December
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Date: 2006-03-28 01:27
Subject: thanks Amanda
Security: Public
Mood:recovering from HurricaneMandyrecovering from HurricaneMandy
Tags:survey says

Favorite Color: sophisticated Black, pink, green
Favorite Food: everything. seriously. from apples to sushi, Mexican to bagel + locks.
Favorite month: April-Aug.
Favorite Song: currently love: transatlantisism- Death Cab for Cutie, You're so Vain- Carly Simon, All is Full of Love- Bjork, Absolutely zero-Jason Mraz, Stay or Leave- Dave Matthews...
Favorite Movie: COME ON! this quiz is killing me. I like everything
Favorite Sport: track and basketball.
Favorite Season: spring-summer
Favorite Day Of the Week: Friday and Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: cookie dough, this crazy sorbet from TCBY, or vanilla fro yo w/ wet walnuts

Current Mood: recovering from emotional rollercoaster, sleepy, low grade stress
Current Taste: toothpaste
Current Clothes: PJ pants, tee-shirtCurrent
Desktop Picture: the tupips that come with Dell
Current Toenail Color: candy red
Current Time: 1:20am
Current Surroundings: notecards, cup of water, random post-its
Current thoughts: miss Chris, what will I do tomorrow, reading my new Instyle


First Best Friend: Camille Webster
First computer: my family had the original Tandy
First Screen Name: seshmaster.. or it was rocketbabe14(whatever that means)
First Pet: prob. never cared enough to name them... I had this fish I liked.
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: prob. all the boys in my kindergarden class.
First CD: That I owned? I remember being excited about Paula Cole and Jewel like in 7th grade
First Car: 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee (the lady... same name as my bowl, actually!)


Last Cigarette: nah, not in to cigs
Last Drink: water
Last Car Ride: to Subway with Lish
Last Crush: Dave....London.
Last Movie Seen: little part of "Upside of Anger"
Last Phone Call: Chris
Last CD Played: Dave Matthews

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: yes
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: yes
Have You Ever Been on TV: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: yes

Thing You're Wearing: glasses
Thing You've Done Today: changed my sheets
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Sex and the city
Thing You Can't Live Without: mommie.music.sleep.my friends.Chris.
Thing You Do When You're Bored: facebook.


1. class
2. my house
3. Poe lib.
4. boys house


1. mom
2. Chris
3. and pretty much anyone. I don't really do secrets.


1. Black or White: black
2. Hot or Cold: hot


1. how can you ask that?
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Date: 2006-01-31 11:51
Subject: Hello, Here I am!!
Security: Public
Music:Only got one- Frou Frou
Tags:survey says


Here are the current top 50 books from www.whatshouldireadnext.com.
-Bold the books you have read.
-Italicise the books you might read.
-Cross out the books you probably won't read
-Ignore books you have no opinion on.
...Pass it on.

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) - J.K. Rowling
*Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) - J.K. Rowling
*One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
*Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
American Gods - Neil Gaiman

Ender's Game (The Ender Saga) - Orson Scott Card
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert

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Date: 2005-12-02 02:54
Subject: you can get me it in Cranberry, to match my Juicy Mini....
Security: Public
Your Juicy Couture Look Is
Juicy Couture Velour Zip Hoody
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Date: 2005-12-01 12:37
Subject: survey from Kristin....
Security: Public
Tags:general, survey

1. Do you like chinese food? Yes, even though it makes me sick. Beef and Brocoli is my favorite.

2. How big is your bed? Queen in Chapel Hill, Double in Raleigh... I love both.

3. Is your room clean? usually it is spotless, right now it's a little disorganized.

4.Laptop or Desktop computer? laptop

5. Favorite comedian(s)? Dane Cook, Chapelle, Will Ferrell, this Indian guy....

6. Do you smoke? no cigarettes 

7. Does anyone like you? hahah this is like the surveys I used to do in middle school!

8. Whats the sexiest thing about Johnny Depp? honestly, i don't like him. I only sweated him briefly, and that was in the movie, Blow. 

9. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex? wow. I guess amazing sex.

10. Sleep with or without clothes on? seldom do I go naked. usually it's undies and a tee-shirt.

11. Who sleeps with you every night? no one. :(

12. Do long distance relationships work? i won't say they are flawless, but they are certainly possible, only when you are both committed to making it work ( can you tell it's coming from my heart?!)

13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? once, in the outerbanks. I pulled around a car, apprently it was an Illigal pass. I just got a warning.

14. Pancakes or French Toast? both. now.

15. Do you like coffee? i do. usually just a normal roast, a bit of skim and a slenda or 2... I don't like the mocha-lattes-expresso things.

16. How do you like your eggs? yea. they smell bad though. Boiled, scrambled, omelet, or my daddy's 'breakfast sandwich" are the best eggs.

17. Do you believe in astrology? I read my horoscope, but I don't obsess about the advice. I don't really like tarot cards and that number thing in the back of mags.

18. Last people you talked to on the phone? I called my mom, my brother beeped in, and put Mrs. Barnes on the phone, a former high school teacher of mine, and Chris called 15 min ago.

19. Last person on your missed call list? Becky, from last night.

20. What was the last text message you received? a hello from Chris

21. McDonalds or Burger King?  I don't really eat either. I like the little nuggets at McD, with the sweet and sour sauce.

22. Number of pillows? I have A LOT of pillows, Chris can't stand the decorative ones. I only sleep with one.

23. Last thing you ate? Just finished a lean pocket, Chicken Parm. not too bad!

24. Last thing you bought? shaving cream.

25. What are you hearing right now? SNL on E!

26. Pick a lyric: " don't drag my love around, volcanos melt me down. what I am to you, is not real. What I am to you, is not real. What I am to you, is not what you mean to me, you give me miles and miles of mountains and I'll ask for the sea...." - Damien Rice ( my love!)

27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? strawberry or grape

28. Can you play pool? no. I don't like that stuff.

29. Do you know how to swim? yeah. But I wouldn't count on me to like, save your life.

30. Favorite ice cream? vanilla fro-yo with wet walnuts on top. mmm

31. Do you like maps? like a driving map? what does that mean??

32. Tell me a random fact: i have 9 piercings

33. Ever play spin the bottle? no, but I sorta want to-- take it back to middle school

34. Ever attend a theme party? just a golf pro's-tennis ho's last year....

35. Ever do a keg stand? no, but it's cool if you can.

36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking? wow, my bathroom floor. Front seat of Becky's car, in a tent in our friends back yard....

37. What is your favorite season? anytime man. Spring is nice...

38. What is the first music video you ever saw? who remembers that? i have no clue...

39. Pick a movie quote: "that's what I love about these high school girls. I'm getting older, but these girls stay the sammme age."

40. Favorite quote: boo. these questions are getting annoying.

41. What is your favorite Thirsty Thursday hangout? chub key lane, baby

42. Last time you laughed at something stupid? always

43. What time did you wake up this morning? 9:20... had to leave @ 9:45.

44. Wake up next to anyone? my huge hangover

45. Best thing about winter? I love holidays. Break from school is nice

46. Name a couple of favorite colors: green, pink, black, GOLD

47. How old are you? 19

48. What month is your birthday in? june

49. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? what. pirates are queer and I'm over people putting those little things in their profiles on AIM

50. Favorite "Goth Rock" bands: Goth Rock? um. eww.

51. What are you doing this weekend? friday- mommie's coming over, working on a project, doing my soc. final. Sat- more BS studying and what not

52. Who will take this survey? whatever.

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Date: 2005-11-28 00:40
Subject: i miss it....
Security: Public
Music:Breathe In - Frou Frou
this little blog quiz WAS RIGHT!!

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.
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my journal
August 2007